I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
