Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
