Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
