I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
