my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this will be a night to untag.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
