I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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