Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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