She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
