i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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