I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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