I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
