I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
