Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
