Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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