just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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