the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
