very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
