Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
