I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
