you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
