you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
