He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
