i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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