I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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