Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
