Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
