She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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