What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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