I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
