I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
