Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
