i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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