I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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