She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
