i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
3 2 1 whiskey
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
