a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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