We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
