I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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