Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
