Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
