it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
