remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Actions speak louder than pants.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
