Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
