if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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