I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
