i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
