Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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