She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
