i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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