You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
