I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
