nut hugger
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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