The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
