so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
