Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
