i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
