I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cannot find my penis.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
