dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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