She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
