The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
