so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
