Already got asked if we're dating
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
