She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize