this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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