I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
