My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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