i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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