the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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