The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
