But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
