I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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