Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
