he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
