i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
