Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize