mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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