how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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