Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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