Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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