I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
