I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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