she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
