i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
